


the more i get of you the stranger it feels

by 2x2verse (agent_florida)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, Euphemisms, F/F, Freudian Elements, Pesterlog, Psychology, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 13:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1781215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_florida/pseuds/2x2verse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TG: youre just as smart as she is<br/>TG: and youve been whining at me about her almost half as long as ive been bitching to you about bucktooth mcprankster<br/>TG: so what if you fuck it up<br/>TG: its not like im gonna stop being your ectobro or anything anytime soon<br/>TT: Unfortunately.</p><p>--</p><p>It's the same as it always is. A blonde falls for a bucktoothed wunderkind with glasses and an incorrigibly cheerful disposition, a kid who insists on not being homosexual. Only this time, it's Rose and Jade, not Dave and John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the more i get of you the stranger it feels

**Author's Note:**

> if you don't think jaderose with johndave tropes is the best premise then gtfo it's awesome ok
> 
> credit goes to Mystical just like nearly always because i cannot do this without xem

It started with a crown of thorns.

Literally. That’s what you can trace it back to. The godforsaken thing still hangs on one of your bedposts like a perverse dream catcher. It’s woven together so elegantly, but you didn’t know how to preserve the blooms that once adorned it. The soft purple roses collapsed, blackened, then fell away. All you’re left with now is a too-obvious metaphor for selflessness and sacrifice.

At one point, it was a flower crown. Jade made them for everyone and brought them to school on a dreary February day. John’s crown was made of bluebonnets, Dave’s of red rhododendrons, delicate and interwoven with grass to keep them together. John was the one who said thank you, but Dave was the one who wore his around all day. Something about pastel grunge and being ironic, even though you caught him tracing the fronds with the memory of a smile on his face. You still don’t understand how his mind works.

Yours, though, yours was made from roses that were still white at the petal tips. She’d dyed yours after she cut them, and the wooden stems interlocked together to make a hardened diadem. Jade had placed it so gently atop your hair, as if by her act she really could anoint you a princess. Sometimes you swear you can feel the ghosts of her fingertips at your temples. And then she looked at you. Peered at you through her glasses, green eyes wide, biting her lip with those distinctive buck teeth and trying not to look too hopeful. When you told her you loved it, a grin slowly bloomed on her face, bright and honest.

You really need to sleep.

If your dreamcatcher actually worked, maybe you would.

You’ve kept a dream diary since you were twelve years old, and your reveries lately have been unacceptable. They’re so transparent that they embarrass you. In one, you and Jade visited a Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit. In another, you helped her trellis vines in her greenhouse. In a third, she handed you the ripest peaches you’d ever eaten, and the juice dripped down to your elbow when you took a bite. To someone not versed in Freudian psychology, they seem innocent enough, but having been immersed in these euphemisms since you were young, you know what your subconscious is trying to communicate to you.

(There’s also the more blatant ones where you’re kissing her or embarking on any number of sexual escapades. You don’t write those down.)

Go to sleep, Rose. Go to sleep. … Ugh, three a.m.? The night is velvety and dark, the stars flickering like fireflies, and yet you can’t find it in you to wrap the darkness around you, sink into it, become one with it. The backlight of your phone in your face just makes you regret. Regret so much.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] at 03:03 --  
TG: jesus christ lalonde  
TG: http://youtu.be/F-MCdcwbbp4  
TG: samuel l jackson would like to serenade you into slumber  
TG: please let him because by this time of night my rapping skills are less than perfect  
TT: Lord, deliver us from your horrible slam poetry.  
TG: damn right its poetic as shit  
TG: who else could spin sicknasty rhymes so majestically about seducing a bowl of mac n cheese  
TG: i been really tryin baby  
TG: tryna hold back these feelings for so long  
TG: and if you feel like i feel baby  
TT: How you've ever managed to have intercourse is completely beyond me.  
TG: yeah well you try and keep a boner while egbert is actually singing that song at you through the door  
TG: fucking impossible man  
TG: so i think we all know why im still awake  
TG: spoogeus spittius interruptus courtesy of beaglepuss inc  
TT: I'm reveling in the schadenfreude.  
TT: Although I do think I could stand to hear a little less about your sexual escapades, but what else are siblings for?  
TG: you sound jealous  
TT: I'm not jealous!  
TG: youre jealous  
TT: I repeat, I am not jealous.  
TT: Envious might be more appropriate.  
TT: Wistful, almost.  
TT: There's a certain element of longing that definitely is not for the object of your affection.  
TG: still hung up on her huh  
TG: what is it this time  
TG: did she laugh in your presence  
TG: breathe in your general direction  
TG: vaguely smell good  
TT: Stop reminding me.  
TT: Ugh, this is so pathetic.  
TG: just for the record ive already told you what to do and youre too chickenshit to do it  
TT: It was a strategic decision, and I made it a long time ago.  
TT: As much as I would like to, I can't mount a full-frontal assault on her.  
TG: its funny because its a sex thing  
TT: I mean it, Dave.  
TT: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it works for everyone.  
TG: cmon its foolproof  
TG: nag her all the time about how much you love her no homo much bromo  
TG: drink her piss on accident  
TG: get laughed at haha im not a homo you homo  
TG: kiss her one or nine times  
TG: annoy the shit out of her until she agrees to date you as a prank  
TG: three and a half years later have her begging for you to put your sausage in her corndog  
TG: im telling you it works  
TT: I think that works better for men.  
TG: im not sure but i think im offended  
TT: You're simplistic creatures.  
TT: By and large, you think with your genitalia.  
TT: Women aren't like that.  
TT: You really have to touch a woman's mind to touch her heart.  
TT: The wonderful, terrible thing about Jade is that she's absolutely brilliant and remarkably self-aware.  
TG: i think i should be offended but yeah youre right  
TG: egberts got an emotional range equivalent to the memory span of a smarter than average goldfish  
TG: and you know me im worse if thats even possible  
TG: i got no clue how ladies work man  
TT: Just admit it: You're allergic to vagina.  
TG: dont tell me the concept doesnt freak you out at least a little bit  
TG: its a hole in your body that goes fucking nowhere  
TG: just ends in a cul de sac around baby batter base camp  
TG: its like a goddamn wormhole that thing could spit you out anywhere if you approach the event horizon  
TG: oh yeah baby just like that oh im gonna cum and then all of a sudden youre in colteron space going how the fuck did i end up here  
TT: ... Colteron space.  
TG: like you didnt know i put my cakes in the wheelie bin  
TT: Please don't sleep tonight.  
TT: I need more entries in my long-running euphemisms document.  
TG: i was trying to make a point and i forgot what it was  
TT: Probably something about how I should nut up or shut up.  
TG: yeah exactly  
TG: grow a pair  
TG: hell grow an apple  
TG: grow a fucking kumquat i dont give a shit  
TG: point is  
TG: youre just as smart as she is  
TG: and youve been whining at me about her almost half as long as ive been bitching to you about bucktooth mcprankster  
TG: so what if you fuck it up  
TG: its not like im gonna stop being your ectobro or anything anytime soon  
TT: Unfortunately.  
TG: johns still gonna be your friend  
TG: roxy will still try to mom the shit out of you  
TG: youll still have both vantases  
TG: whatever the plural of vantas is  
TG: vantii  
TG: both maryams too  
TG: and if you ever want a pity fuck you know amporas fucking chomping at the bit  
TG: the douchebag not the otherkin  
TG: seriously whats holding you back  
TG: you have a young nubile harley just waiting for you  
TG: just fucking  
TG: fuck  
TG: how many homoclub cheer squad meetings do we need  
TT: At least one more.  
TG: girl  
TG: youre gonna carry that weight  
TG: carry that weight a long time  
\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] at 03:30 --

You’re exhausted. Not as in sleepy, but as in that special brand of tired that seeps into your bones like you left yourself to steep in a tea made from self-hatred. Every square inch of you itches for something you can’t have, a chafe under your skin that not even your thousand-thread-count sheets can cure. Everything that ought to be soothing just irks you more.

 You feel hungover and strung-out when you wake up in the morning, vaguely remembering to color-coordinate your blacks so you don’t look like a complete mess. You’re a self-taught expert at applying under-eye foundation at this point. Outside, it looks like it might rain, and you’ve never been more inordinately pleased that the sun won’t come out. You want to wrap yourself in fog and never come out from the obscurity.

The Seer of Light thing has gotten old. You don’t like seeing into the future. Seeing the paths you can take. There are too many choices, and they’re dizzying. Everything is illuminated and you feel like you can see forever but the one thing you wish for is that your vision be blurred, your decisions made for you. Having this much power at your fingertips is disorienting, and you don’t want to feel like your failures are pre-ordained.

You don’t smile much. It means no one notices a difference when you act more reticent than usual. Of course, Jade is the one to pry you out of your shell the second she gets to school. (If there’s anyone else who understands darkness, it’s her.) “What’s wrong?” and she sounds genuinely concerned. Can you lie to her? Is that okay?

“Nothing,” you say softly, because it’s infinitely easier than saying ‘I’m in love with you.’

**Author's Note:**

> and then i did this instead of working on anything i was supposed to be working on but fuck you this is awesome and i'm alive


End file.
